Compliment

Do you find it difficult to accept a compliment? I always have and more or less know why. You armchair therapists just leave me be! I've adapted acceptance technology and now say "Thank you" and smile and move on.

That's not really accepting a compliment, just using the form that passes for acceptance. I've seen myself as a bit of an intruder into the well-ordered lives of others. I've evaluated any compliment at best an encouragement. At worst, the compliment would be my dark mirror.

Last night at dinner, one of the wait staff came to our table and said to me: "We've been talking about you." HOLY CRAP, was my natural response. He went on remarkably about how they all agreed that my face was bright and happy and brightened everyone around. Now that is a compliment. (I can't even believe I putting this out in public.) My response was "Thank you! That's so nice of you to say," and I was thinking "You talkin' to ME?"

Funny, that compliment was outlandish but I couldn't reject it. It seemed okay to me. Wish I could say why. Maybe because one of my great psychotic wishes is to make everyone happy. Who doesn't want to be the guy who makes everything seem warmer and friendlier? I've known a handful of these folks who light up a room when they enter. This feelgood compliment however was more than I was ready for. I had to have my friend confirm that it was indeed me that they were talking about.

She said yes and said additional nice things about me, not that I was reaching for more compliments that I couldn't accept.

Now reader, please don't think that I'm stretching for further good words. I very much like the idea that I walked into a strange place and made that impression to the extent that they told me that I had made it. Really, I can't think of doing anything better in life that brightening someone's day. Maybe a compliment in the sense of "complement" is a notion that I can accept.