Change, part 3,024,541

When faced with great possibilities this week, I freaked out. Not because I didn't think I was worthy. I think I've worked hard to put myself in a good career position. More because I have such finely tuned processes that maintain my steady emotional state.

I think of those engineering boasts from car advertisements about self-correcting circuitry that checks the integrity of a process thousands of time each second. Of course, any minor deviation prompts a rapid correction.

That's me. Not so much that I'm a finely calibrated machine or pshaw, person. It's that I've built an apparatus (Rube Goldberg, anyone?) that resists change. It's been programmed to respond but not learn. Well. I'm trying to find a way to adjust my settings and get the controls reset.

I don't mind having a mechanism in place. I just need adjust it so that automatic corrections and their emotional snapback don't always preceed the manual, less-precise ones.