You're in or you're out

Since my new employer is a drug-free company, I had to take a drug test yesterday. It's not clear why employers do this. I'm not operating heavy equipment, driving school children around, or determining the lucrative bonus of a CEO. But, I am a team player so I peed in a cup.

It's been years since I've done this. Over a decade at least. I assume that I'm leaking because my new employer is a union shop. (Yes, I'll probably join a Union. This means that at any time, I might bust out with a proud, neo-socialist jingle. My apologies in advance.)

Which really brings me to what struck me as a pecular progression in the whole collection process.

In the old days of drug testing, the most labs had little urine confessional windows so you could do your business in private -anonymous- say your penance, and be absolved of drugs. Something like that.

Then there was a period of aggressive attendance. Their interest was in your entire mission (from launch to splashdown) which meant that they'd watch your magical docking with the cup.

In this most recent occurance, I went into a bathroom with the water turned off, peed into a cup (the only constant in this urinical history) and then brought the cup to a happy woman tech. She then poured my efforts into two separate plastic tubes, labeled them and made me initial them.

Somehow, I found this process a bit disconcerting and a little too cheerfully 'hands-on.' I didn't expect to find myself in a high-school lab run by John Waters. Don't ask, Don't Tell might not be a good option for the military. But I think I'd rather dispense with this nonsense, work with junkies, forgive their occassional excesses and keep my urine to myself.