Rearview Mirror

Tomorrow I start my new gig at the Seattle Times. They rescheduled to start after the HR department thought that a July 3rd start was a bit silly.

After so much time with myself, how would I feel about taking a step toward making my life here another type of real? Would anxiety and pressure start to percolate through me as it always had before?

I had anticipated a small echo of loss. There was a bit of sadness as I had suspected, but nothing the least bit major. Nonetheless, I have a new respect for the little clues that offer themselves and it resulted in seeing ahead of the curve. Most of my time in the past few weeks has been spent feeling good, being happy. I am relaxed to the point of not wanting to use contractions.

In my past, preventing feelings was my old favorite tactic to face anything new. Didn't work, mostly hurt. I have enough trust in myself to see what it's like when I see what it's like. My evaluation process will not consist of the sum of one orientation day or any coming successes or failures.

I am no longer using the rearview mirror to find my destination. The windshield provides a lovely, clear view into the distance.