Decay

Yesterday, it was depravity. Today, decay. Honest, I'll write something uplifting soon.

Til then, I have to report the demise of my once loved eyeglasses. Part of why I liked them so much is that they were incredibly lightweight. Why? Titanium! Now that is one light, tough-ass metal. Instead of having traditional stems with hinges, two wires were bent into a head-following shape and crazy glued into the lenses. It's kind of like drilling holes into two etherial coke-bottle bottoms and inserting two very precise, naked pipe cleaners. This created an open look with very little weight. When you look at my mug on this here blog, you can see that my frames are so unobtrusive that it's almost like my two lenses are floating in front of each eye, like tiny optic magician's assistants.

Of course, like many corrective vision sufferers, I have no adequate backup. This system is unacceptible but it the plan that many of us have in place. It's kind of like losing your job and going back to the company before that one and asking for your old job back. Or is it like running out of groceries and rummaging through the garbage? Perhaps there's no comparison. You've broken Glasses 12.0 so you install Glasses 11.0 or 10.0. Jam them on and Magoo yourself around the neighborhood. Thankfully, the #43 bus limited the guessing that I had to do and Laurie (Thanks!) motored me around after my pupils were dilated and everything looked like a Jimi Hendrix song.

Lenscrafters, of course! I had fun with the nice McFitter after the Doc slapped my eyeballs around with a lightstick. It was difficult choosing a style. EVERY brand has eyeglasses now. I went with a conservative pair from, uh, Dinty Moore, I think. Both of the McFitter's said "SWEET" when I told them that I might try to take my old lenses and affix pipe cleaners to them to wear around. IF I get that done, I'll post a picture as soon as I can. Really.

All three of you faithful readers know that my eyes are not like electron microscopes or telescopes. Very little scoping. In fact, after the fitter commiserated about his poor sight, I said something to Laurie about him and I having similar limitations about the glasses we could choose from. "Hey, don't lump me in with you," was his compassionate, disgusted response. He was honestly a lot of fun. He brought me cool frames and wild ones. I was convinced that had I chosen one or two of the crazy Dolce & Gabbana frames, I'd never get laid again unless I opted to wear copious gold chains as well. Nice.

The other affliction here is that those who tend toward the blurry end of things choose every option possible (almost) to make our glasses lighter, clearer and lighter and clearer. Anti-reflective coating? Check. Hi-index lenses. Check. Man, that sounded bad, price-index-wise. Scotch Garding? Are you shitting me? I am not eating on these things. If I have to, I'd retrofit some plastic sofa covers, for God's sake!

Once again, Laurie saved the day by landing a big additional discount because of the AAA membership. I'll refrain from making any lame jokes about some "anonymous" organization. (Truth is, I've been trying for the past ten minutes without luck. That's why I've given up.)

You glasses-savvy people know that I have to wait for the hi-index lenses. The level of accuracy here means that they have to order these from Boeing and an engineer will hand-sculpt those babies. Or something like that. Maybe it was General Motors. Or Dinty Moore. I just can't keep it straight.

The upshot here is that I'll be wearing my reading glasses for the next hunk of days. It's a bit funny how well these work not only for everything up close but everything far away. It's the middle part that gets blurry. So, screw you, middle part. You are getting ignored like Iraq withdrawl plans this week.